Talking to One's Self

Posted on Sun Aug 17th, 2025 @ 1:48am by Lieutenant Endymion Tox & Commander Grace Vetur

1,446 words; about a 7 minute read

Mission: Preservation Instinct
Location: Sickbay | USS Ontario
Timeline: Post Vulcan Lair # 3

ON:

Tox muttered to himself as he wiped the counter with a vengeance. He loved away missions, this one had been...difficult for a few reasons so he decided to get his frustrations out by what he always did. Cleaning. He was so engrossed that he didn't hear the door hiss open.

Tox continued to mutter and clean.

"I doubt that helps with the cleaning, but does it make you feel better?" a voice behind him asked.

Tox jumped, yelping, his nerves on edge from the away mission and the visit to Count Vulcan's lair. The cloth he'd been using flew in the air and landed with a thunk on his head. Tox sighed and pulled the cloth off his head turning. "Captain! Sorry I'm...I was ....I was just doing some stress cleaning."

She tried very hard not to smile, but one corner of her mouth refused to listen. "So I noticed. Is everything okay? I don't think I've ever seen you like this."

He sighed. "I am hanging on by a thread." He said. "Since Dr. Grumples is off resting let's get coffee. I could use a stress drink."

"Okay. Will the lounge do?" If Tox needed a listening ear, she was more than willing. And, hyper as he could be, she missed his usual cheerful disposition.

"Perfect suggestion." He put the rag away, washed his hands and they headed out. The trip wasn't long and soon they were seated nursing some drinks. Tox had gone with an Irish Coffee. He settled in his chair with his large coffee and sighed. After a drink and the burn of the whiskey in the coffee he felt himself relax. He noted the Captain studying him. "Sorry...it's been...a few days. I'd talk to the counselor but as much as she's amazing, I need someone grounded and practical, cause you know I do those so well!" He smiled a little but it was strained. "Can I pick your brain for advice Captain?"

Grace took a sip of her cranberry juice and nodded. "Sure. What's on your mind?"

He sighed. "So I told you I have a friend off ship right?"

"Yes, you did." Now Grace had a point of reference and waited for him to continue.

"Well...I like this person more than a friend...I finally have a chance to pursue it and a chance I've wanted for a while but I think I kind of have a crush on someone else. He reminds me of this friend in so many ways but he's also different and I like those differences." He rubbed the bridge of his nose. "Does that make me...a bad person?"

"No... Have you ever met this friend or do you just know them from your messages to each other?"

"I've never met, messages only. Part of me thinks that the only reason I'm drawn to this someone else is because they remind me of my friend in some ways. But like I said it's like having the person you've yearned for, for over fifteen years but with more depth. I...I'm so mad at myself."

"Because you find yourself attracted to two people who share similar traits?" Grace shook her head. "I think it's too early for that. You don't know either one of them well enough yet." She raised a hand to keep him from countering that he did. "You only know the one through messages. You haven't spoken face to face. That could change everything. You need to see this person you've been communicating with for so long. Talk to them over a com channel where you can see them, or arrange to meet somewhere if you're in the area. That will let you know if those feelings are real. It will help you put everything in perspective."

"See that is why I needed you to talk to. You are a very grounded person and I, the nut job I am, get swept away by romance. PLUTO agreed to get to know one another more, we're starting with voice messages and more info about one another. BUT here's the thing." He looked around. "Can I confess something to you just between us?"

Pluto. So his friend uses a pseudonym. Grace found that interesting. "Of course."

"I'm a bit confused. The person I met here, on the ship...is...annoying, and cold, and I LOVE to verbally spar with them but I can also see the traits PLUTO has as well...it's like I'm seeing everything I want in one person but then I worry what happens if I go for it and it turns out to be nothing and then I've destroyed fifteen years of getting to know someone."

"Nothing will be destroyed if you handle it carefully. It is possible to keep the friendship and realize that the attraction was more about the mystery than the reality. That you'll only be able to figure out by talking. And the same can be said for this other attraction. Get to know the person. You will either find that your feelings solidify and deepen, or you will learn that the traits you thought they shared with Pluto don't really exist. But you may end up with a friendship. I don't know how this will turn out. I hope it will turn out well." Grace was beginning to think the two people he was attracted to were the same person, but she couldn't say that. "It's early days. Give this time and everything will work out." At least, she hoped it would.

Tox sighed. "Gods of Starfleet you are a gem. Starfleet needs to promote you to fleet mamma bear." He leaned over and hugged her.

"Thank you, but no. I'm more than happy to be the commander of one ship and one crew." But she was happy that she said something that helped Tox.

He sighed. "Now I just have to figure out how to stop drooling over your pilot and get to know him more....for some reason I'm thinking that's going to be very difficult. He has this whole mysterious Vulcan Vampire thing going..." Tox fanned himself.

"Just keep telling yourself that you have to go slowly until you get to know them both better." Grace smiled. "It'll help."

He paused. "So...really random but have you thought about doing a ship newsletter.... Ask Grace?" He chuckled. "I swear you're better than a pack of counselors!"

"No, I haven't. That would be something to bring up with the counselors." She chuckled. "I don't mind talking with the crew, but something like that is best left to them. But thank you for the thought."

Tox smiled. "Oh! I almost forgot. I'm going to start implementing our confidence for the counselor plan."

"Good." Grace was confident he could do something to help the counselor--if anyone could. "Do you mind sharing what you have planned?"

"Well first is something to make her feel good about herself. A day of pampering. I was going to see if you wanted to come with us."

Grace thought about that for a moment. "I'm not sure Amanda would appreciate that. She might prefer it to be just you. Or you and someone else from the crew." Their last meeting did not end well, and she didn't want the counselor to be uncomfortable around the commander for this.

"Okay well tough cookies." He studied her. "I can feel the tension radiating off of you and frankly pampering day with friends involves mud so if y’all wanna sling mud at one another it can have healing properties." He winked and smiled. "Besides I always believed that one way to move past tension is to confront it head on. We leave it behind and focus on the activities that will have all of us feeling fabulous." He reached over and placed his hand on hers. "Come on. Let's give it a try...besides this will be a surprise pampering. I have a holodeck program and the counselor will be just as mad at me cause she won't know it's a spa day. It will be fun."

He was right and they both knew it. "Okay. I'll join you."

Tox gave out a little squeal. "This will be fun!" He sighed. "Well, I should run. I did promise a certain Vulcan Vampire I'd help him with his fear of lifts." He sighed. "And perhaps get to know him a bit..."

"Then I will wish you good luck and see you later," Grace said. She smiled. "Have fun."


===========

A post by

Commander Grace Vetur
Commanding Officer
USS Ontario

&

Lieutenant Endymion Tox (NPC)
Head Nurse
USS Ontario

 

RSS Feed